Venison

I experienced my greatest temptation the other night. I invited some friends over for a potluck dinner, and my roommate contributed sharp cheddar cheese, crackers, and venison sausage. I have been dreaming about this venison sausage ever since he brought it home in mid-December.

I watched him as he cut the lean, tasty meat into neat little squares of joy. I stared at the tray longingly while the little squares mocked me. I walked away, taking the “out of sight, out of mind” approach.

However, every time I glanced over at the tray it was as if the meat pieces were giggling at me. It only grew worse when one of my guests would place a pile of them on his or her plate. I imagined the squares saying, “You could have me…you’re missing out, you fool” while they sat smugly on the plate, ready to be consumed.

It got so bad that I couldn’t hold a conversation. I just kept staring at a friend’s plate and talking about how much I wanted the venison.

I decided to fake out the little meat squares by pretending to grab a piece of venison, but at the last second I went for the cheese sitting right next to them. Sadly for me, I ate so much cheese I felt sick.

I was grateful when my guests finally consumed all of the meat (which I heard was delicious) and focused on desserts. Another escape. I may be losing my mind, but I’m still a vegetarian.